Remember Your Individuality

Can you imagine being in a relationship with someone just like you? Can you say boring!? Your individuality is part of what drew the two of you together. Recognize it. Nourish it. Respect it. You can’t have the same thoughts, dreams and feelings all the time. Sure, there are things you have in common but there are also things that your partner loves, despises, is passionate about and considers important. They are the core of who your partner is – the person you love.

Instead of looking at your differences as incompatibility, consider the possibility of how those differences add to your relationship dynamics. If your partner weren’t so passionate about animal rights, you might not own that dog that you absolutely adore.

Learn How to Use the Differences to Your Advantage

There are some differences that you and your partner will have that might not really add to the relationship but can take away – if you let it. If your partner is obsessed with football and you can’t stand it – use that time to do something you love. Make it a day for individual time – which we all need. While your partner watches football, go out with friends for coffee, go shopping or sit in another room and watch sappy movies that you can’t get him to watch with you.

Know When to Let it Go

Bigger, life issues can destroy your relationship completely. Things like children, religious beliefs, career demands, political beliefs and extended family are just a few of the really big issues that can be detrimental to the health of your relationship, if you’re not careful. Learn how to handle these differences early on in your relationship.

There are many ways that healthy couples handle these differences. Some issues, couples are able to let differences be differences and just avoid the topics. Other differences, like children, that can affect your relationship direction, take time to work out. These conflicts must be resolved in one way or another and, when they’re not, they usually result in a breakup.

In these situations, you have to really know how to listen to your partner and understand where they are coming from. Why doesn’t your partner want children? Is it just for now or is it just something they aren’t interested in? Why are children so important to you?

Many couples have overcome hurdles like this without animosity and anger. If you communicate effectively and remember to respect your partner, you can too! If you find that your emotions are starting to take over in a conversation like this, learn how to walk away and come back to the conversation later.

Know When to Ask for Help

There are those conflicts that you just can’t seem to resolve or handle effectively, no matter how hard you try. Know when to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. There is something wrong with letting a conflict destroy your relationship when help is available. Some of the best and happiest couples have unresolved issues and need help sometimes. Saving your relationship is worth the effort.

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There is a lot of anxiousness that both partners try to hide from each other when they first fall in love. It is because being “in love” makes you vulnerable. And for all their pessimism about relationships, even the most jaded cynic secretly hopes to find someone to love and who will love them back. Very few people choose to live alone. But to succeed in a relationship, partners have to put forth effort and make a serious commitment for it to last.

To Re-ignite the Passion and Keep the Sparks Burning

Do Not Allow the Romance to Die

Keep the romance alive. Take your partner for walks in the park and along the beach, watch your favorite movies, have a candlelight dinner, or listen to your favorite songs. Choose an activity that you are comfortable doing together. To find fun things to do together be creative and imaginative.

Be Generous with Surprises

Be spontaneous and do not wait for special occasions only to give that long-stemmed rose or romantic card to one you love. Write a short note – even if all it says is “I love you” – and hide it where your partner will be able to see it. Even something as simple as coming home from work early and making popcorn for your partner will mean a lot. Everyone loves to get something that is pleasant and totally unexpected.

Enthusiasm is Always Great

Almost everyone feels tired after a hard day’s work and from the stresses of everyday life. However, it is important to make time for your partner. Make a schedule where the two of you can just talk, snuggle, and swap stories about the events of the day. Make sure that the stresses of work or other things do not intrude into your “alone” time together.

Express Yourself and Be Open

To make sure that your relationship remains strong, there must be open communication between the two of you. Keeping secrets from each other is not healthy for the relationship. Those secrets can slowly build walls between the two of you. To keep the passion alive and the sparks burning, there must communication between the two of you about what you want and need in your relationship.

After you have experienced being cheated on, you must reclaim yourself from the affair. There has to be steps that you take to relieve your mind and emotions of being hurt. To continue in your relationship or have a new beginning with someone else, you must deal with the affair and get over it.

If you decide to stay married, you must determine how to proceed toward making your marriage whole again. There are resources that you can look into to help you find solutions to save your marriage.

The impact an affair has on a marriage is personal. For this reason, there’s no formula that can be package into a solution that is guaranteed to keep the two of you together.

But there are some time tested things that have proven to work.

1. You must forgive.

No marriage can survive an affair unless there’s a willingness to forgive. If anger and bitterness take root and festers in an unforgiving heart, the relationship is destined to fail.

2. Seek help.

If you are open to outside help, you can get a qualified marriage counselor who’s trained to work with couples in resolving their marital problems. There is also online resources you can download that offers help in the form of videos, audios, and e-books. This method is preferred by many for its affordability and privacy. Also, Spiritual guidance can be a source of help and comfort. Having someone to talk to and pray for you, can get you through a rough time. And when you need someone you can depend on, there’s no substitute for loving friends and family.

3. Be gentle to yourself.

Don’t take on the blame for your wife’s or husband’s infidelity. Each of us have to be accountable for the choices that we make in life.

4. Let Go and Move On.

Don’t pick over and rehash the affair again and again. Let go and move on from the anger and the hurt. Like a sore that’s picked at, your relationship will become infected with the lingering effects of the affair. If you cannot or won’t let go!

5. Take extra special care of yourself.

Do things that you enjoy. Dine out with a friend. Take in a movie. Go on a trip to some place you have been longing to visit. Listen to some music or read a book that inspires you.

6. Take all the time you need.

Don’t rush yourself into doing anything before you have had time to heal, reflect, and decide.

7. Be proactive in assisting the healing process to get over an affair.

If you still cannot get over the affair, it may be time to pack up and say good-bye to the relationship. If you are looking at your wife’s or husband’s emails, sifting through their text and phone messages, then the trust is gone. In its place is suspicion. Continuing the marriage is more harmful then good. Your need for emotional security and stability is no longer being met in your marriage.

You must regain a sense of well-being again, in order to find a faithful lasting love.

My parents had a successful marriage of forty years until death took my father. Here are the keys to a successful marriage that my mother shared with me.

* Don’t enter the marriage with an assumption that it is going to be like the movies or the novels that you read. Real couples are not always going to be gaga over each other. Romance and passion do fade over time.

* It is natural for couples to fight. In fact many feel fighting is necessary to keep the marriage alive. Fighting adds a spark to the monotony of everyday living. But couples should try to avoid hurting each other with hurtful barbs and taunting words. You have to argue in a positive way. If it is taken too far, angry words can shatter your partner’s self-esteem. There must be mutual respect, even when there are disagreements. Couples in therapy sessions learn to focus on how to speak freely about what is bothering them, without lashing out at each other. Fighting clean is a technique that couples can learn. But physical abuse should never be tolerated.

* You must be willing to make some sacrifices. When one partner makes all the sacrifices, it leads to an unhappy marriage. Partners must share responsibilities in their marriage. This will strengthen the relationship and promote understanding and love between you, which is a key to a successful marriage.

* Physical intimacy is a major factor in establishing a happy marriage. For some, as time goes by, physical intimacy becomes a non-issue. It may be hard to believe, but there are married couples where physical intimacy is not an issue with them. They enjoy their time together. They have learned to enjoy other aspects of their lives together.

* Money is important. Even though love is the glue that holds a marriage together, money is necessary to build security and to establish stability for a family. The traditional roles of a husband being the primary earner and financial supporter of the family is no longer the rule in many marriages. And for many couples the rearing of the children is no longer the only responsibility that a wife has in marriage. Today the wife and the husband are both expected to contribute financial support to the family and to care for the children.

* Don’t neglect to spend enough time with your partner. Spending time with each other produces a strong relationship between a husband and wife. Becoming engrossed in your career and too preoccupied with other things may cause serious problems for you. The two of you may become disconnected and distance from each other. In time you will discover that the two of you have grown indifferent toward your marriage and lack the closeness to each other that you once felt.

*Keep in mind that no marriage is perfect. It requires work. If your marriage is in trouble, don’t be afraid to seek help from someone that can give you the tools you need to re-establish love, rebuild trust, respect, and a commitment to your marriage.

*Never forget to let your partner know that they are the most important person in your life. It is the fundamental key to a successful marriage.

Take a look at some of the things that affect a marriage.

1. Unavailability:  There has to be a time and place to discuss problems and issues. Preferably, when you both can be attentive to each other without the frustrations of the day still lingering and nagging at you.

2. Lack of communication:  Try to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner without sarcasm and criticism. They are more likely to open-up about their frustrations to you, if they don’t feel judged or criticized by you. By listening to your partner it makes him or her feel what they are saying is important to you. Respond with soft words. “It seems like you have been under a lot of stress. Would you like to talk about it? How can I help?”

3. Don’t give double Messages: Say what you mean. And mean what you say. A yes should never mean a no, nor a no a yes. A partner should not have to strain their brain to figure out what you mean. Don’t act like nothing is bothering you, when you fuming inside, when It can be seen in your tight jaws, piercing stare, and furrowed brow. And your words are like darts coming from you. “It doesn’t matter! Do what you want to do.” This type of response clouds the communication and makes it impossible for your partner to know what you want from them. It’s best to give a definitive answer. “Yes. No. I will do it tomorrow.”  Don’t send out mixed messages to your partner!

4. Show restrain:  At first thought, it may seem like a good idea to tell your partner everything on your mind. But, some restrain is neccessary, so as to not bombard your partner with a litany of things that results in them shutting down, and refuse to listen anymore. If your partner feels overwhelms they may not be willing to deal with any problem. An overwhelm partner may tune you out. Keep in mind it takes time to work out problems.

5. Unresolved Conflict: This can occur when a problem has been discussed and one partner assumes a solution was reached, but the other partner did not. Conflict will remain when both of you come to different conclusions about the situation.The result is the matter still exist as a conflict between the two of you. Once again you must address the problem.This time note whether both of you think a solution has been reached. Be sure you reached an agreement that the two of you settled on. To avoid an assumption that a problem has been settled, make sure a clear understanding takes place regarding the problem between the two of you.

6. Lack of Affection:  After hurt feelings and intense differences have occurred, you need to reeaffirm your love and commitment to each other. There has to be an unending faith in each other and a willingness to continue to work toward progress in resolving your problems. Showing tenderness and affection is a way to bring back closeness when there’s been bitter conflict.

7.  Differences: This can cause marriage strife if you don’t accept that your wife or husband has the right to like certain things that you do not and have different beliefs from you.  He may want to watch sports, which is something you would rather avoid. While he’s watching football, why not call up a friend or work on that special project you have been putting off.  Differences is what makes life interesting. And the person who you married is who they are, nothing you can do or say will change that. To even think of trying to change your husband or wife can result in dire consequences that will affect your marriage.

8. Disconnected: Find the time each day to be together. Spend the moments talking and listening  to each other. It is this time when you should share what’s on your mind and heart. Communicate to your wife and husband about things that are important to you, so you can continue to meet each other needs lovingly.

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1.  Date Night. One way to spice things up in a marriage is to go out on dates with your spouse (without the kids!) The two of you need to have some time together doing something different from what you routinely do. Set aside a few hours and enjoy some ‘together time’. Date night does not have to mean expensive dinners at classy restaurants. You and your spouse can decide to watch a movie that you both enjoy. You can even decide to watch it at home . The two of you can go shopping together for what you plan to have for dinner. You can even cook together.  When the dinner has been prepared, select that favorite wine,  light some candles for a romantic night at home. Afterward you can snuggle up close and watch a movie together.

2.  Surprises. When things have become so routine that you and your spouse become more like roommates, then you can spice things up by giving each other small surprises. Surprises do not have to only mean gifts. You can surprise your spouse by just doing something spontaneous, like giving her or him a hug while he or she cooks dinner. Suddenly surprise him or her by tenderly kissing them out of the blue. The idea is to break the routine with something unexpected. If your spouse is usually the one to initiate intimacy, try being the one to spice things up for a change.

3.  Add some adventure. Do something that the two of you never tried.  Consider going camping or hiking for the weekend.  Maybe try a dance class together. Try learning something new by signing up for an art class.  Or you can take an exercise class together so you can motivate each other to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Even reading a book together can add a little spice to change a dull routine.

4.  Laugh and play. The best way to spice things up is to play! How about washing the car together and start throwing sponges at one another. Laugh. Play tag inside the house. Tickle each other. Have a pillow fight. Act like kids. Laughing and playing together will greatly help to reduce stress and keep you and your spouse in good spirits.

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Spontaneity. One main complain that couples have about their relationship, is that their partner takes them for granted. Change this perception by doing something out of the ordinary that can keep the excitement alive in your relationship. Create something the two of you can do that’s fun and exciting. Arrange an evening together without any distractions. If possible, come home before your schedule time. Follow it with an unplanned activity you both can enjoy, like an evening out together.

Plan a special day.: Surprise your partner by giving him or her special attention. Spend the whole day together doting on your partner and indulging them with things that delight them. It will make your partner feel so very special to you.

Away time. If possible take a short vacation together. If you’re not able to get some time off, then as a substitute, schedule a massage for the two of you at a local spa where you live. Even a few hours at a spa can transform the two of you. It will provide a pleasurable relaxing experience. Just getting away, however briefly, will refresh the two of you and help you see each other with new eyes.

Remember Important Things. Celebrate those events that mean something to the both of you, such as, when you first said I love you, the time you propose, your anniversary, etc,. Send flowers to mark the occasion. Dedicate a special song to your partner. Send an e-card or text message with an expression of love to let your partner know that you are thinking about him or her.

Explore trying something new. Fulfill your partner fantasy with imaginative ways of satisfying him or her. Partners who have been married a long time may be bored. They may feel a need to change the routine that the two of you have grown accustomed to. Since this is a sensitive area, make sure you consider your partner’s beliefs and feelings, before you explore and introduce something new.

Keep it Simple. You don’t have to make a fuss if it’s not your style. There are things which you and your partner can do together that doesn’t require you spending any money or going out somewhere. You could play games, listen to your favorite music, watch movies or T.V. You can read a mystery or romance novel together, go strolling along the beach or take a walk in the park. It doesn’t matter what the two of you do, as long as it’s something that both of you enjoy.

Stay connected. It should be understood that the attention which was once exclusively only your partner’s, now has to be shared with other things that are important to you. But don’t let the other things cause distance to come between the two of you. To avoid this problem, make sure time is set aside in the day, so the two of you can stay connected. Don’t let anyone or anything come between the two of you. Remember to spend time together in a fun and loving way. This will keep the excitement alive in your relationship.

Communication. You must have uninhibited communication to assure a strong relationship. Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself makes it impossible to have true intimacy between the two of you. Open up about how you feel and tell what you think about things. If there’s no communication between the two of you, there’s no means to get through to reach each other. It’s like having a wall between you. If you are unable to discuss certain things with your partner, seek out a professional who is qualified to help you overcome this problem.

• Avoid playing games. If you are sincere about making up, do not play mind games with your ex. No matter how tempting it is to go out with someone that’s attractive to make your ex jealous, it’s a foolish game to play, one you can loose. The same holds true for any psychological tricks that you may be tempted to play – avoid them at all costs. What you need to do is to be honest and open up about why you would like to give your relationship another try. Share how you truly feel.
• Take care of yourself. It is important to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy to maintain a strong relationship. No one wants to be around someone who exhibits signs of not taking care of themselves. You cannot accomplish your goal of making up if you are moping around and being depressed. Find something to make you feel alive again. Bring back those feelings that life is worth living. It will make your partner see you in a new light. Most of us like being around others who radiate vitality and excitement. To show an air of confidence, tells the person that even though you want to make up, you are not desperate. Nothing is more attractive then a confident and emotionally healthy individual.
• Find out the reason for the breakup. Before you can make up after a breakup, you need to know what went wrong in the first place. Did one of you cheat on the other? Was the relationship going stale for a long time? Did one of you want change? Among the first steps in making up, is to find out the real reason behind the breakup.
• Communicate. The strongest indicator that you may be able to successfully make up, is, if you are able to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. Speak with each other without shouting, yelling, or laying blame. Listen to your partner. Be honest in communicating about how you feel. State with emphasis what you believe went wrong in the relationship. If you both agree with what the problems are, you can then work toward a resolution that will lead to the two of you making up.
• Be ready to make a change. It’s a good thing to change something in your relationship that leads to the two of you becoming happy again. A change which results in better communication and intimacy will enhance your relationship in new ways with excitement and freshness that you had loss.

To make up after a breakup requires that you both proceed with a plan to fix yourself as well as the relationship. The tips and insights presented here will assist you in that endeavor.

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1. Avoid religion, cultural, social, and economic differences. These are major barriers to harmony in a marriage. Give your marriage a chance to last, by seeking out someone who share core values and beliefs that are similar to your own. If the two of you are not compatible in these areas, there will be serious issues to overcome between you. Unless you are willing to abandon, transform, or compromise your religious and cultural beliefs, marrying someone who’s the polar opposites of you, will result in taking on problems that are insurmountable. Why take this risk! Give your marriage a chance to last by making sure your wife or husband is in tuned with you beyond the initial attraction. This will give you a better chance at having a lasting satisfying relationship.
2. Don’t take each other for granted. When a relationship is new there’s an effort to please the object of our affection, to win their love. But after becoming partners, some couples take each other for granted. The things that you did when your love was new has disappeared. You stop calling in the middle of the day, just to say hello. You don’t miss being around your wife or husband like you use to. No longer is there laughter and talking about things, something that you enjoy together anymore. Now those things are a distant memory. If you want your marriage to have a chance to last, don’t take each other for granted. Make him or her know that being in your life is the most important thing to you. Do something spontaneous to breaks the monotony of married life, that stirs feelings of love anew again, like when you first fell in love.
Intimacy is an important part of marriage. A good sexual life can be the foundation that maintain your marriage. The physical intimacy that the two of you share, is vital to your marriage. Keep the passions burning by stirring up excitement in your marriage. Discuss intimate things with your wife or husband to find out what is comfortable for you.
Make time for each other. Couples drift apart when they stop talking to each other. And when they stop spending time with each other. Children and career are the two biggest factors that come between couples. Let your children know that you need time to be alone together. Set aside special time to get away together where you can reconnect and rekindle those special feelings. Take the time to let your wife or husband know that they still mean the world to you.
Give each other some space. Just like disinterested partners can cause a marriage to fail, people who cling too tightly to their partner may cause their marriage to go downhill too. A husband and wife need to give each other some space. Clinging to your partner may make him or her feel smothered and stifled. Your partner also might feel you do not trust them. If you are a clinging vine who refuses to give some space to your husband or wife to do things or be with others, they may develop resentment toward you. It is important that you allow your partner to pursue interests that gives him or her a sense of satisfaction with what is needed to fullfill their life. Despite the fantasy that some have, no one can be your everything. We all need space to do things and to have meaningful relationships with others.

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Some think living together before marriage is a way to get to know each other and work out their problems. But statistics and studies show that co-habitation does not result in a successful marriage. In fact, couples that live together get divorce much more often then those who simply just marry.

Others feel because they witnessed the divorce of their parents, that this gives them first hand knowledge of what to avoid. True, there are things you can learn from the divorce of someone else. But, you cannot insulate yourself from divorce based on knowledge alone about the failure of another person’s marriage. Studies reveal that couples who parents divorced, come out on two different sides of this issue. Some develop an intolerance for marriage. They see it as something to avoid. While others enter marriage expecting it not to last. Therefore they see divorce as inevitable. They may divorce again and again, looking for that perfect marriage.

What causes the dissolution of a marriage is as varied as the couples involved in this complicated relationship. Since the beginning of time experts have been trying to figure out what keeps married couples together. The one thing that marriage counselors and other specialists can agree on is that communication has to be the foundation of the relationship. This is a key principle in preventing divorce. Many have discovered that married couples who talk, and even argue, have a better chance of not getting a divorce. The failure to work through things, may result in the marriage ending.

Marriage is a complicated relationship. What makes it so, is the people involved. The reasons for divorce is as varied as the individuals in marriage. Couples break up for any number of reasons. It can be the result of selfishness. Sex and money problems is a serious issue why some divorce. It can also be cultural differences, immaturity, refusal to help with household chores, to differences in approaches to rearing children.

And for many, infidelity is a marriage breaker. For others, it is any form of abuse: mental and physical, alcohol, drugs, and controlling behavior. Only you can decide what you can accept in your marriage.

Even in modern and non-traditional times, marriage can still last. But it will take two people with an unwavering love and commitment to each other. And a willingness to communicate about anything and everything. If your ultimate desire is to prevent divorce from happening to you, there has to be an asserted effort from both of you to work through difficulties in the relationship.

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