• Needing to be “right.” There are people who have a great need to always be “right.” They feel a need to be right even when they are not. These are people who will continue to prove that they are right even when they have realized early on in the argument that they are not. They will keep at it until the other person acknowledges that they are “right” instead of making the admission that they may be wrong. To end the fight, the other person may simply have to concede that their partner is right just to have some peace.
• The need for power. There are people who view fighting as a means to gain power. They will keep trying to get the partner to give in, pay attention to him or her, or to back down. When that happens, the person feels he or she has the advantage.
• The need for control. There are individuals who may have experienced so much hurt in their lives that they feel “safe” is to gain control. Being dominating his or her spouse and family, he or she feels safe that he or she will not get hurt.
• The need to hide something. This is fairly common in situations where a spouse has been unfaithful or is hiding something. When asked about why the person was late, why there is a financial issue, or where he or she has been going, then the spouse will start a fight to hide the truth. He or she will get the spouse so busy trying to keep up with the arguments until the original issue gets forgotten.

There are many other reasons why people will fight and most of the time the parties involved will be able to work things out by themselves. The more they know each other, the more they are able to tell what the hidden reason is for the fight and may find ways to settle things amicably.

The main thing to remember is that it is normal for couples to fight. For many couples, arguments help them to de-stress or get the partner’s attention. There are even times when fights happen simply because the couple would like to “go and make up.” When couples feel that they need some help to deal with their frequent fighting, then they can go to fully-trained counselors or psychologists, or even close family and friends for some help.

Most of the times, ending the fights merely takes teaching both parties how to negotiate, just let some disagreements be, or find new ways to assert themselves. This may require only a few sessions with a coach or a counselor and the couple will be able to realize they can see things in a better light and they can get along much better.

Marriage is the most intimate of all relationships. When the couple is unable to get along well together, oftentimes the fighting happens because they are finding an unconscious method of avoiding becoming more vulnerable to the other. Gaining control, being right or hiding things are ways that they have learned to somehow protect themselves. When this is the case, counseling may require helping the couple to be aware of the real hidden reason behind the fights. It will also be required to help the individual to feel “safe” and not be afraid.

Listen

Believe it or not, one of the most important elements of managing a marriage is being able to listen. When your spouse needs to speak with you, stop whatever you are doing and take the time to listen. Because a marriage is all about sharing one’s life with another, it is a must to pay attention to what is being said. You need to be able to understand and if you are somehow confused, there is nothing wrong with asking your spouse to help you understand. You may also need to give suggestions and advice.

Trust

Trust is a major foundation of a marriage. If you do not trust your spouse, then there is no real point in getting married. You need to be able to trust each other. Take the time to speak with your spouse regarding any misunderstandings, ill feelings, or doubts.

Communication

Any marriage is doomed to failure if there is no communication between spouses. Most marriages that end in divorce is because the couple lacks communication. It may not be easy for some people but it is crucial that a couple share their thoughts, feelings, and needs with each other – not the neighbors, not the best friends, not family, not counselors (unless things start getting out of hand).

Admit Mistakes

Nobody likes to admit that they have made a mistake. It is probably one of the hardest things to do. But, when it comes to a marriage, pride and ego have not place. If you made a mistake, say so. Admit it and apologize. This will help your marriage stay stable and happy rather than pretending nothing ever happened. Admission of a mistake clears any misunderstandings and helps to clear away any issues.

Never Compare Yourself with Others

When couples get together, there may be times when seeing others more affluent can make you feel uncomfortable because you may be struggling to put meals on the table. However, you must never allow any jealousy or envy creep into your mind. Every married couple is different and though, on the outside, things may seem rosier for other couples, there is no guarantee that they do not have any problems. Treasure every moment you have with your family, no matter how difficult it may seem to stay on top of the bills. If you are truly having a tough time dealing with all the struggles, take the time to speak with your spouse and try to find ways that you may work things out.

Plan Your Finances

One of the most common causes of marriages breaking down is money. Mortgage payments, car installments, utility bills, credit cards, repairs, and a lot of other expenses can put strains onto a marriage. It may be a good idea to spend some time together with your spouse and plan your finances. If you are lucky enough to have some money that you can set aside, make sure you agree on how to manage your savings. Keep track of where your money is going and try to see where you can control the spending. You will be amazed at how much money you can save by just doing little things like making your lunch at home and taking it to work rather than eating out.

• Keep Everything Strictly Professional at Work
  It is important that you keep reminding yourself about what is integral to your job and what is not. Though it is very necessary to have good relationships with your colleagues, things need to remain professional. It is okay to ask a colleague about how his or her sick child is doing or how their big family reunion went but spending an hour chatting is never a good idea. Make sure that all conversations are simple, short and to the point.
• Avoid Meeting Colleagues of the Opposite Sex Outside the Office
  There may be times when you need to spend long hours at work with a colleague when there is an important project that needs to be completed. However, it would be better to have your meals at the office than go out to a restaurant. The office is much less intimate and will prevent any discussion about things not related to the project at hand. After the project completion, keep the celebrations at the office and to a minimum. If you must meet your colleague outside work, make sure the meeting takes place in a very public space.
• Group Meetings are Best
  If you need to meet with a colleague of the opposite sex, always find ways to include another person for the meeting. Have a co-worker tag along as having someone with you will help prevent any possibility for intimacy.
• End Personal Conversations in a Polite Way
  When a conversation with a colleague starts going the intimate way, it may be best to find a way to end the conversation in a polite way. If the person is asking for very personal advice, refer the person to a professional or someone who may be more familiar with the situation.
• Avoid Sharing Personal Feelings
  It is always best to keep yourself from sharing personal feelings or experience; doing this will help keep your colleague from relating on a more personal level with you. Just make sure that you are polite without revealing too much about your personal feelings.
• Stay Away from Cordial Hugs, Kisses, Drinks, or Dances with Members of the Opposite Sex
  To many people, this may appear to be way too extreme. However, even a single hug or kiss involves a certain amount of intimacy. If you need to have a good excuse to avoid a kiss or a hug, you can always say that you are feeling unwell and may have a nasty virus you do not want anyone else to catch. Drinking any alcoholic beverage may tend to relax your inhibitions and it is always best to avoid such situations when you are with a colleague.
• Take Time To Be With Your Spouse Everyday
  Make an effort to do something for your spouse daily. Even a short phone call saying “just wanted to bug you” can mean a lot. Ask your spouse about his or her day and really listen to the reply. Be affectionate. Make sure you have a lot of photos of your spouse and your kids near your desk to always give yourself a visual reminder of what is important to you.

Fighting is a way for the couple to communicate and communicating is crucial if a marriage is to last. However, fighting is not something that should happen 24x7x365. After a fight, you and your spouse must be willing to come to a compromise or agreement even if it is agreeing to disagree about an issue. You need to be able to make up. Here are some ways on how you may be able to make up with your spouse after a fight.

• Never run away. Running away from a fight will never solve anything. Most times, it will make things worse and simply complicate matters. If you need to cool down, by all means go outside for a few minutes or an hour or two and then come back and be ready to speak with your spouse. There are times when a person needs to clear his or her head and some minutes alone may do the trick and give a fresh perspective regarding the issue at hand.
• Discuss the real issue behind the fight. When couples fight, in the heat of the moment, there may be words exchanged that both may not mean. Taking the time to speak to each other and hearing out the story from both perspectives may help you both uncover the real reason for the fight. You can take the time to find ways how to avoid coming to a head regarding the same issue again.
• Show your affection. Sometimes fights are just symptoms that one or both of you feel the need for affection. Being married means that you both have many responsibilities and the mundane everyday tasks that you both need to do leave you both with very little time to show your love for each other. Take the time to show your spouse that you love him or her. After a fight, hold his or her hand. Do the things that you would normally do if the fight never happened. Make him or her cup of hot cocoa or just be close. This helps to smooth things out so you can make up.
• Take the responsibility. As the old saying goes, it takes two to tango so assigning blame for a fight may mean assigning blame to both of you. Saying sorry is not going to cost you money. Apologize for any nasty words that had been said to each other and make sure that the incident is forgotten and move on. Also, it is important to forgive each other and never bring up the incident again.
• Agree on how to make up beforehand. It is possible that you and your spouse will have a really serious and nasty fight. It will be best if you can agree on how both of you can handle such a situation before it arises. You both can agree that you will take time to hear each other out without interrupting and respect the agreement no matter how much anger you or your spouse may be feeling. Truly listen to each other and if there is something that is not understood, say so in a polite way so that things can be explained in some other way.

Learning to make up after a fight with your spouse is very important is you both value your marriage and really want to make it last.

There are many people who will find it difficult to decide on whether their marriage is worth saving. This is especially true if there are children. Making the decision to save the marriage depends on how you feel about what has happened and about your spouse. It is also important to find out if your spouse is willing to change and give the marriage another shot. It should be noted though that the decision to try and work things out may be a very long process though it is not impossible.

The most difficult thing that needs to be done is the rebuilding of trust. Whichever one of you was unfaithful there has been a major blow that has been dealt as far as trust is concerned. That trust will need to be rebuilt. This will not be easy. The doubts and the suspicion will take a long while to ebb away, if it ever actually does. The partner who was unfaithful will need to be consistent in his or her effort to rebuild trust. There will be a need to always be on time, to always follow through on promises, keep being honest, and be genuinely remorseful. There will be many setbacks and there may be a lot of fights wherein the “time you strayed” will be mentioned. However, if you both truly want to save the marriage, there will be a need for buckets of patience.

Should you be the one who had cheated on your partner, you need to know that it will take time to make your spouse trust you again like before. You need to always be honest to your spouse even about the smallest of things. Do not lie by omission and do not exaggerate. Make sure that you communicate clearly with your spouse at all times. Be patient when your spouse wants to know about where you will be, what you will be doing, and what time you are getting home. Make sure you speak with your spouse daily if one of you needs to go out of town. Try never to be late and if you are running late, do not lie about why that is so.

It will be natural for your spouse to feel insecure and reassurances need to be made frequently and honestly. Show your spouse affection though this may be very hard to do during the early days after the infidelity. Do not lose heart when your spouse’s “heart is not in it” when you try to be affectionate. Make sure you and your spouse spend some quality time together doing things that you both enjoy.

One mistake that you must avoid at all costs is to pretend that nothing ever happened. This will only make resentments fester until things will just explode one day. Infidelity did happen, face it, find out why it happened and try to fix things. This may not be possible without the help of fully-qualified counselors or psychologists and their help may be instrumental in saving your marriage.

The truth is no matter how long you have been together, you can keep that spark alive and it is not as difficult as you may think. Although it may be possible for the initial spark and passion to wane a bit after a considerable period of time because of the day to day routine, responsibilities, chores, and other things that happen in a marriage. All those things can make a couple forget that they should prioritize their spouse and their marriage.

Communication Helps To Keep the Spark Alive

One of the best ways to maintain the bond with your partner is through honest and open communication. It is very important for you and your spouse to have some time alone with each other. This is the time where you should not discuss the bills, the kids’ report cards, the need to fix the leaky faucet and any other such topics. This is time that must be spent connecting with each other. Spend the time expressing gratitude for the things that your partner does, show appreciation, and even spend time to flirt with each other.

There are a vast number of relationship experts who agree partners who place a lot of importance on nourishing and maintaining friendship with each other find that their marriages are more satisfying and tend to survive longer. Your spouse is not a mind reader and it should not be his or her responsibility. It is a common trap that a lot of people fall into simply because they do not spend time to communicate their feelings and needs.

It is also important to remember that communication also means listening to each other. Listening means not only hearing what is said but actually understanding the words that are being spoken and the way the words have been said. Pay attention to the body language and do not interrupt as your spouse speaks.

Having Fun Together is Important

Being spontaneous can greatly contribute to keeping the marriage exciting and young. By doing something that is not expected to show your spouse that he or she is being thought of can mean so much. It does not have to be anything expensive. Even playing his or her favorite music, cleaning his or her car, put on his or her favorite movie and watch it together… the possibilities are endless.

You can even set aside a day of the week when you two can go out on a date doing things you both enjoy. Jog together, walk on the beach, get some biscuits and a bottle of juice and have a picnic in the park, play scrabble, drive to a romantic spot, and just be away from all the normal everyday stresses and be together. Have fun.

There are a lot of monotonous things that you and your spouse are faced with everyday and they do take a toll on the marriage if you two do not take the time to spend together. Focus on what is the most important aspect of the marriage – you and your spouse.

1. Indulge your spouse. Date night does not have to mean taking your spouse to an expensive restaurant or going out to the movies. You can make date night special by indulging your spouse. Consider preparing a relaxing, hot, bubble bath that you both can enjoy. You can even ramp it up a notch by lighting some candles, pouring some wine, playing some great music, and just enjoying a relaxing time in the tub.

2. A dance party for two. How about putting on some dance music that you both like and dance your hearts out. You can turn down the lights, get some soft lighting or candle light to illuminate the room, prepare some cocktails and some finger food, push the couch to the side and dance away.

3. Create a delicious dinner together. You and your spouse can go to the market and get all the ingredients that you will need to make a wonderful dinner for two. You can help each other out in the kitchen and cook together. Then sit down and enjoy your masterpiece together.

4. Theme park date. You can go out to the theme park or fair and ride those exciting rides together. Share cotton candy, popcorn, buy a balloon or two and just have some fun. Be little kids again and enjoy yourselves.

5. Go on a picnic. Pack your picnic basket with some food and go to the park, a picnic spot, or just your backyard. Spread a blanket out, get the food out and just enjoy being in the outdoors. Or, if it is a rainy day and you can’t go out, move the couch aside and have the picnic in your living room.

6. Get a massage. You can go to the nearest spa and get a couple’s massage. This will help both of you relax, too.

7. Movies at home. You can make going to the movies more intimate than being in a theater full of strangers. Rent a DVD, download a movie, or just watch one on cable. Make some popcorn beforehand. Make a pizza if you want to indulge. Make the living room comfortable by moving all the furniture and spreading some blankets on the floor and piling up some pillows. Enjoy the movie together and snuggle to your heart’s content.

8. Sex. Make date night steamy by going all out. Wear sexy lingerie, play some sexy music and make love all night long like you did during your honeymoon.

9. Indulge your sweet tooth. Share a large ice cream sundae, a slice or two of chocolate cake, some of your favorite pie, or just get yourselves the biggest milk shakes you can find.

10. Meals in bed. Nothing can be more special that having a meal in bed. Make your spouse some breakfast or dinner and serve it while he or she is in bed. You can even feed each other and enjoy the meal – and much more – together.

Remember Your Individuality

Can you imagine being in a relationship with someone just like you? Can you say boring!? Your individuality is part of what drew the two of you together. Recognize it. Nourish it. Respect it. You can’t have the same thoughts, dreams and feelings all the time. Sure, there are things you have in common but there are also things that your partner loves, despises, is passionate about and considers important. They are the core of who your partner is – the person you love.

Instead of looking at your differences as incompatibility, consider the possibility of how those differences add to your relationship dynamics. If your partner weren’t so passionate about animal rights, you might not own that dog that you absolutely adore.

Learn How to Use the Differences to Your Advantage

There are some differences that you and your partner will have that might not really add to the relationship but can take away – if you let it. If your partner is obsessed with football and you can’t stand it – use that time to do something you love. Make it a day for individual time – which we all need. While your partner watches football, go out with friends for coffee, go shopping or sit in another room and watch sappy movies that you can’t get him to watch with you.

Know When to Let it Go

Bigger, life issues can destroy your relationship completely. Things like children, religious beliefs, career demands, political beliefs and extended family are just a few of the really big issues that can be detrimental to the health of your relationship, if you’re not careful. Learn how to handle these differences early on in your relationship.

There are many ways that healthy couples handle these differences. Some issues, couples are able to let differences be differences and just avoid the topics. Other differences, like children, that can affect your relationship direction, take time to work out. These conflicts must be resolved in one way or another and, when they’re not, they usually result in a breakup.

In these situations, you have to really know how to listen to your partner and understand where they are coming from. Why doesn’t your partner want children? Is it just for now or is it just something they aren’t interested in? Why are children so important to you?

Many couples have overcome hurdles like this without animosity and anger. If you communicate effectively and remember to respect your partner, you can too! If you find that your emotions are starting to take over in a conversation like this, learn how to walk away and come back to the conversation later.

Know When to Ask for Help

There are those conflicts that you just can’t seem to resolve or handle effectively, no matter how hard you try. Know when to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. There is something wrong with letting a conflict destroy your relationship when help is available. Some of the best and happiest couples have unresolved issues and need help sometimes. Saving your relationship is worth the effort.

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What Kind of Relationship Help Do You Need?

Kids, work and other responsibilities can completely consume your life – if you’re not careful. Time together gives you a chance to reconnect from the business of life. Lack of time together can contribute to relationship problems. Without reconnection, you become distant and irritable with each other.

To help you nurture your relationship by spending romantic time together without busting into your bill money, we have compiled some of the best romantic date ideas on a budget. Even if they don’t sound like fun at first, give them a try. You might be surprised at just how connected you feel once the night is over.

Break Out the Board Games

A lot of couples feel like board games are ‘childish’ but board games are a great way to open up lines of communication. While playing, you can talk. Some games may require you to work together – like Jenga – helping you build your relationship communication skills. Board games also open the door to a little competitive fun. Still sound too boring? Consider some hot and sexy alterations to the rules of the game.

Eating In

Cooking food actually releases endorphins – feel good chemicals in the brain. Some foods are also considered aphrodisiacs, like oysters. Consider buying everything you need for a fun dinner night in. Cook the meal together, set up the dining area with some ambient candles and soft music. Feed each other tasty appetizers and dessert. You may even want to consider buying a bottle of cheap wine to help lighten the mood.

Making Your Own Music

This romantic date idea on a budget is great for guys! Take your lady out for a walk. Go window shopping in a busy downtown area, go walking around a scenic lake or go out on the top of an apartment building. Make sure you take your iPod and headphones. When you find that perfect spot and moment, take your lady’s hand and ask her dance. Place one earphone in her ear and one in yours and enjoy the moment. You’ll take her breath away and have her swooning in just moments.

Romantic Picnic

Do you know of a secluded place where the two of you can be alone? It could be by a lake, in your backyard or even on your roof. Take a picnic there. Include foods in your basket that the two of you can feed each other like strawberries, grapes or food wrapped in cheeses and gourmet crackers. You can even complement this romantic idea with the ‘making your own music’ idea for an extra touch of romance.

Go Fake Shopping

Test drive a car, go window shopping, go to an open house – you don’t have to buy anything, just have fun. Studies have shown that couples that dream together and make future plans are happier and last longer. These activities can get the two of you dreaming and talking about your future plans as a couple and bring the two of you closer together.

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What is a Blissful Relationship?

When most couples think of a blissful relationship, they think of the honeymoon phase. You remember it, don’t you? That’s what you keep hoping your relationship will get back to. The countless hours talking and cuddling, the constant feelings of admiration, the daily romps in the haystack, the lack of arguments and going out of each other’s way to make the other happy – that’s how most people perceive a blissful relationship.

It’s really not all your fault. You see happy couples and they are talking and laughing and seem to be so caring towards one another. You see happy couples plastered all over magazines. You hear ‘relationship experts’ talking about how perfect your life with your partner should be.

Then you look at your relationship. The dog chews up your briefcase and your partner is too engrossed in the screaming baby to care as much as you think she should. You lose your job so you and your partner argue about the bills. Dinner’s running late because you got stuck at the office and your partner feels neglected because you’re not spending enough time together. Your car breaks down on the way to work and since your partner forgot to pay the phone bill, you can’t call work. Your partner loses a family member and is unresponsive to efforts to provide support. You don’t agree on how to raise children or if you should even have children. You like this apartment but he thinks it’s too much. Your partner has a bad day and says something out of frustration and you can’t figure out how to forgive and you’re too tired at the end of the day to be supportive…..

So what’s wrong with your relationship? Why do you have so many problems? Why can’t the two of you get back to that loving place you were in the beginning? Why can’t you have that blissful relationship you keep hearing so much about?

Exposing the Lie

The truth is that, if you really look at your relationship – REALLY look at it – you will probably find that you already have a blissful relationship. The problem isn’t your relationship; it is your perspective of your relationship.

Let’s go back to the beginning and look at it from a different perspective. Remember when your partner made you that special dinner? They tried so hard to make your favorite dish but they aren’t exactly the best cook. They wanted to make you happy and, even though the meal was burnt, you laughed about it together. You thanked your partner for trying so hard and even made an attempt to make them feel better by taking them out to their favorite restaurant.

How is that scenario different today? Has your partner tried to do something loving lately but, instead of seeing their efforts, you saw the fault. Let’s turn the above example around for today. Your partner wants to surprise you and makes your favorite meal but they really can’t cook very well. They burn it. You get frustrated about it because you’re tired and hungry. You argue. You failed to see their loving efforts.

You’re Not Alone

Everyone does it sometimes. We forget that effort is everything. We forget that love goes into the little mistakes in life. We forget that our partner is human. Most of all, we forget that our partner is different than we are – their strengths are different from our own; so are their weaknesses.

Some couples, may forget this momentarily, others fail to see it at all. They forget that there are so many wonderful traits about their partner they love. They forget to nourish the effort instead of scrutinizing the end result.

If you really want to save your relationship, then start seeing the effort. Maybe your partner forgot to pay the phone bill – but what did that money go for? Maybe they bought your birthday gift and forgot about the bill. What were they doing at the time the phone bill was due? Maybe they had spent all day at the doctor’s office. Are they overworked and overstressed like you are?  Maybe there is a way that you can sit down together and manage the bills.

Yes, a healthy relationship does take work. You and your partner may need new tools and techniques for learning how to be mindful of each other’s feelings, be supportive of each other and communicating with each other. But once you discover the truth – that you already have a blissful relationship and that you have exactly the relationship you were meant to have – you realize that the effort needed to maintain a healthy relationship is worth it.

There is no such thing as a relationship without problems. Even in a life as a single person, you are going to have problems. If you are like most couples, your relationship is already blissful – you just have to put life’s problems and your relationship problems into perspective.  

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