How to Have A Successful Marriage
How to Have A Successful Marriage
Modern commentators on marriage have long said that without a mutual perception of equality, partners cannot negotiate the many demands of life. In marriage, partners need to perceive each other as having equal importance. If this is not felt or understood, one partner has an inclination to engage in an insidious game of trying to get the upper hand which could lead to the destruction of the marriage. In this type of marriage, “score-keeping,” is prevalent, each partner keeps a mental tally of perceived wrongs done to them by the other partner. The”score” becomes the primary agenda in the marriage.
The equality in the marriage, creates a balance relationship in which it can survive and thrive. Equality within a marriage makes it secure, “a soft place to fall” according to psychologist P.C. McGraw. Partners can feel free to make mistakes in the relationship, and know that their partner will not hold them in contempt. When a marriage is stable and happy, a contemptuous superiority never occurs. If one partner displays a contemptuous attitude toward the other partner, that means that there is no perception of equality within the marriage relationship. Seeing your spouse as an equal and as a friend, provides emotional strength that lets you handle whatever life brings. You can take risks, pursue goals, and be able to make mistakes. When you are in a close, committed, and secure relationship, it create a shelter against the stresses of life. It prevents accusations and jealousies from creeping in and destroying the relationship.
It has to be understood that adult relationships require mutual respect and devotion to each other. The two of you must cultivate a willingness to put the well being of your relationship as the top priority for you. This involves making compromises and sacrifices for the person you love.
Eminent psychologist Alfred Adler emphasized that equality of partners is essential to a successful relationship: “If each partner is to be more interested in the other partner than in him or herself, there must be equality. Neither partner can feel subdued or overshadowed. It should be the effort of each to ease and enrich the life of the other. In this way, each is safe. Each feels that he or she is valued: each feels needed.” If you are primarily motivated by self-interest with little attention payed to the needs and desires of your partner it devalues the relationship.
Romantic relationships, friendships, and family ties, satisfy our inner longings for closeness with others. Through the experience of companionship, shared interests, and love we don’t feel alone.
Making equality in your marriage important to you, will transcend how you view your partner, allowing both of you to connect to others, serve them, and work with them to achieve common goals. It will transform your own interests and desires into a broader view beyond you into what’s in it for others.
For more information and help, marriage made easy, offers practical solutions that assist you in having a successful marriage.
