Marriage Problems – Factors That Breakdown A Marriage
A muffled hello is all that’s uttered from your stoic demeanor, as you walk into the house. You give your partner a quick embrace, a pat on the lips. After a hard day you just want to relax. You don’t want to be confronted with problems. That somber look of your partner is ignored, as if there’s nothing to be concern about. Whether you realize it or not, there are major factors in the breakdown of a marriage. Take a look at some of the things that could impact a marriage.
1. Unavailability!: There has to be a time and place to discuss problems and issues. Preferably, when you both can be attentive to each other without the frustrations of the day still lingering and nagging at you.
2. Lack of Communicating and listening: Try to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner without sarcasm and criticism. They are more likely to open-up about their frustrations to you, if they don’t feel judged or criticized by you. By listening to your partner it makes him or her feel what they are saying is important to you. Respond with soft words. “It seems like you have been under a lot of stress. Would you like to talk about it? How can I help?”
3. Double Messages: Say what you mean. A yes should never mean a no, nor a no a yes. A partner should not have to strain their brain to figure out what you mean. Acting like something doesn’t bother you, when you fuming inside. It can be seen in your tight jaws, piercing stare, and furrowed brow. It’s heard in your caustic remarks! “It doesn’t matter. Do what you want to do!” This type of response clouds the communication and makes it impossible for your partner to know what you want from them. It’s best to give a definitive answer. “Yes. No. Be home by 7p.m. I will do it tomorrow.” Don’t send out mixed signals
to your partner!
4. Unrestrain/Letting Everything Out: At first thought, it may seem like a good idea to tell your partner everything on your mind. But, some restrain is neccessary, so as to not bombard your partner with a litany of things and results in them shutting down, refusing to listen to anymore problems. If your partner feels overwhelms they may not be willing to deal with any problem. An overloaded partner may tune you out. Keep in mind it takes time to work out problems.
5. Unresolved Conflict: This can occur when a problem has been discussed and one partner assumes a solution was reached, but the other partner didn’t , or both of you came to different conclusions. The result is the matter still festers. Once again you must address the problem.This time note what both of you think the solution to the problem is, and be sure you reached an agreement that the two of you settled on. Make sure a clear understanding takes place regarding settling problems between the two of you, to avoid
an assumption that a problem has been settled.
6. Lack of Affection: Even after hurt feelings and intense differences have occurred, you need to reeaffirm your love and commitment to each other. There has to be an unending faith in each other and a willingness to continue to work toward progress in resolving your problems. Showing tenderness and affection is a way to bring back closeness when there’s been bitter conflict.
Written by Beverly Street
