Relationship Help: Overcoming A Fear of Intimacy
Overcoming A Fear of Intimacy
Intimacy is revealing private things about yourself to someone, things that you keep close to your heart. It lays bare the innermost part of who you are to someone that you love and trust. It places you in a vulnerable position where someone can take advantage of you and cause you great pain. For this reason, some people shy away from intimacy. They have a fear of it.
Fear of intimacy can also be a result of how you were raised. If you were brought up with stereotypical gender roles of women and men, you may have preconceived ideas on how you should act as the male or female. This may inhibit you, resulting in an inability to express how you feel emotionally and physically to your partner. To overcome a fear of intimacy, you will need to look closely at your relationship, to determine where you are having difficulties, and what you can do about it.
Here are some things to consider:
1. Comfort Level
Discover what triggers a favorable reaction in you when you are with your partner. It could be holding hands. It may be sitting and talking to each other about significant or insignificant things. The key is to start with what feels comfortable to you. Being aware of this, will enable you to create intimacy on a deeper level.
2. Society and Culture
Do not underestimate the role that society and culture has played in influencing and contributing to your “fear of intimacy.” Stereotypes of male and female roles cause barriers to intimacy. They stifle and restrict what is acceptable for men and women. Often these factors are so embedded in someone’s thinking that they block their ability for genuine intimacy with a partner. This can be overcome by approaching your relationship in a non-judgemental and non-critical way. You have to determine if you want your relationship defined by these stereotypical roles. You must decide if clinging to these cultural beliefs are impeding your intimacy. And if they are, you must determine whether it is important to you to make a change to have greater intimacy with your partner . In some cultures, men are not suppose to show vulnerability. And women are suppose to be submissive. They are made to feel unfeminine if they express assertiveness and ambition. These types of cultural and social beliefs can pose a barrier to intimacy.
3. Role Models
It will certainly have a negative affect on your relationship to have your partner comparing how you do something with the way their mother did it. Trying to fulfill some expectation passed down from a family role model can strain a relationship. If you buy into other people ideas about how to conduct your marriage, it may keep you from obtaining the intimacy you longed for from your partner. You must approach your relationship on your terms, and do what you think is right for you. To “overcome a fear of intimacy,” social and cultural beliefs that have determine the roles of men and women must be challenged by you and not taken as a road map to your marriage or relationship. You can look to resources like save your relationship, which offers practical solutions to intimacy problems and provides answers to other relationship issues.
